Sometimes, change is NOT good. That is the crux of this blog today. Change and the consequences of said change(s). I r3ecently took employment with an inspection company because A: the hours were good for me and the kids B: the pay was potentially insane good C: I felt our family needed the extra income enough to wwarrant me submerging myself into this job at least to the shoulders. I know find myself in over my head and gasping for breath. It is a feeling I do not particularly care for. owyn cries everymorning as she begs-BEGS me to stay home. She cries every afternoon, from the minute she gets off her bus and sees I am NOT there until she falls asleep crying for me to come home. I am not liking this at all. I miss my kids, I miss my animals, I miss my home. I have fought every single day with Edd since I got this job. My house looks like hurricane Irene already hit, i have missed important notes from teachers, I have forgotten important items I was supposed to supply for class/snack/gym and I have only slept about 3 hrs a night and I am C. R. A. N. K. Y!
Looking back I am thinking this was not my best choice. I have now invested almost as much into the job as I have made and I see it deteriorating before me. I regret to admit this but; this was a MISTAKE. The job itself is fine-even a bit exciting and I really do love it. but home is where I belong. It is where I am me and I am the epicenter of OUR world. I run things, call the shots, micro manage like a demon and keep 3 -hots- and -a -cot running smoothly. I want to work, don't misunderstand. just not externally from my universe as I know it-as I have designed it. THIS is where I am needed most,where my skills and talents are best served. So, I will resign right after I post this and I will beging the search anew for something that is fulfilling and home based that allows me to be the persoon my children and husband know and LOVE and not the irate, screaming,/crying/yelling pyschopath I have been for the last 5 days. I HATE her, who wouldn't?
On a lighter note I believe "Fatty" is pregnant-at least we are hoping so. Gomez is still very much in "love" with her and she has now started to ignore him at the fence line-leaving him mewlong like a lost kitten for her attentions. This is a good sign. Poor Gomez, happy us.All the hens are laying, some not so precisely as their sisters so everyday is Easter again until they are trained. At least we are getting a sloid 2 dozen eggs a day now-more to come from the rest of the polish mutts we bought and the geese and guinneas. Kids are loving public school, and are making loads of new friends and it is nice to hear them chatter endlessly about their days- their voices criss crossing mid conversation like super highways of babble. it is refreshing, tho i miss them and long for the lazy days we spent together homeschooling and getting closer, i am thrilled at their happiness and comraderie. Growing up is hard, friends do make it easier. So does laughter. Something we have been in short supply of for the last week and a half-so I am off this confounded thing to go laugh with my kids and suprise them at the bus stop. Tonite owyn WILL NOT cry herself to sleep. Tonite she will have her hair brushed and get her bedtime story and fall alseep in THE BIG BED with Mommy. As it should be.
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