Today is my GROSS day.

                                                        Okay, today is my Gross day.It's been awhile since I had one so I guess I am a little over due,but in keeping with the nature of the day it came with no warning and the nasties just keep coming. So, my day began by wakng up a little later than usual-which was startling to begin with- at 8am and as soon as I stood up from the bed I stepped in a nice cold puddle of dog pee. Not taking the hint and oblivious to the signs all around me I meander blindly out into the yard to begin my chores. And promptly stepped in a warm puddle of chicken diarrhea. YAAY ME! I rinsed my foot off and grumbling proceedd to feed and water eveything and began my garden rituals. Weeding seemed withut incident until I shoved my right hand in the middle of a fire ant mound. Now you may say,"thats not gross" but then you obviously have never had to deal with millions (ok dozens) of pussy hard lttle blisters that itch insnesly enough to make you clawoff your flesh while sleping-resulting in a oozey, nasty, inflamed open wound. Grossed out now? thought so. I immediately rinsed off my hand ,peed on it and the mound(yes, I am very adept at urinating from a standing position W/O a penis- it's tricky but do-able) and counted the red welts. AWESOME! seeing where the day was going I decided to count my blessings and water the front ,no more weeding today, and head indoors. I detached the spray nozzle and walked to the front gardena and reattached it there. Turned on the water and.. nothing? Hmm, I wondered and unscreed it and tried the hose again. Worked fine. reattached nozzle and got a dribble only ,so I did the guy thing and banged it on something. C'mon we all know it fixes everything k? but it didn't so I adjustd the spray from cone to jet and still only a dribble. After doing this and alternately pointing it in my face and staring at it while swearing, I half hoped it woud spray me ad cool me off. This total lack of good sense resulted in the next catastrophe of the morning. By the 4th or 5th time I had shaken it and banged it and ajusted the spray nozzle and turned on/.off the water I could feel the pressure building an began to see a fine mist escaping with th "dribble" I had been getting ll along. convinced it probably had a dirt glog that needed to dislodge, I looked into the nozzle pressed the handle down and flooded the hose with water pressure and BLAP! SQUISH! SPLOT! a dense wet gooey pray erupted-yes erupted !- like Mt.Vesuveus all over my face. FROG GUTS!! yes, people I said FROG GUTS. It had been glogged alright but with the living(or previously living) body of a small green tree frog that was now properly strained thru my hose nozzle sprayer onto my face!! ugh. After gagging and unscrewing the nozzle to get water to wash my face, I picked the remains of the frog loose w/ my hands(tried sticks and a brush for tile and  nothing was working-EEEEWW) and re-screwed nozzle and called it a day. Once inside my cat (Jack) puked on my foot (thank you JACK), and my son and daughter (kieren & owyn) just came runing into my room tattling on someone (they couldn't decide who started it) for putting boogers in their hair. Aaaah, my gross day just gets better and better. It' only 1 pm and I can't wait to see what else I get  do today.